The Blood, The Bad
and the Jiggly!
Directed by Brianne Murphy
Pegasus Region 0
SEXIST PIG WARNING! This is probably one of the most blatantly sexist reviews I’ve ever written. In my defence, however, I would like to point out that it’s the most appropriate response I could come up with to this movie.
Wow. I don’t often go for Twitter recommendations but when Hypnogoria brought this one to my attention with a bit of “live tweeting”... I knew I couldn’t resist. Actually... another important factor in my decision to purchase this film was the fact that Amazon were selling it for under £2... so the price was right too (although only a couple of months later, I see, they have put the price up to £9.99. What up with that?).
I have to say though... after having seen this movie, which is truly terrible but, you know, in that good way... I am somewhat at a loss to have much of anything to say about it, other than it’s a really bizarre little movie, so expect this one to be a really short review.
If I had to summarise what this movie is about I’d say it’s about an ex-vietnam soldier trekking through Mexico who is attacked by large chested hippy gals for no obvious reasons... who also like to be running about naked and jiggling their aforementioned large chests... also for no obvious reasons. The man is knocked unconscious and left for dead but is revived by some kind of river dwelling dead gorgeous (and also just “dead” as it happens) babe who also seems to favour attire that is either downright skimpy or non-existent.
Our hero, the heroically named David, wants to see more of her so he stays with a local who also happens to take a child to be sacrificed to witches every year so the local village can have good crops. The witches also, it would seem, have a penchant for dancing and running about in their birthday suits and have equally humongous bosoms as the hippy ladies at the start of the movie. They might even, for the most part, be those same ladies but, if they were (and I’m guessing yes) then I certainly didn’t remember any of their faces from the start of the movie... might have got distracted by something else I reckon. Anyway, the head witch is the arch enemy (well, maybe that’s a bit strong, just a rival shall we say) of the cute babe of the river... who Dave wants to settle down and have lots of sex with.
The rivalry progresses and lots of naked dancing, naked cavorting, naked running and generally naked ritualistic posturing is on hand to throw confusion over an already confusing lack of plot which can only, it seems, have a happy conclusion if the lead character dies. Think I’ve got that right... I think the ending of this one may be a little open to interpretation.
Anyway... this film has exactly two things going for it as far as I can see. Well, that’s apart from the two things that seem to be attached and bouncing around naked on practically every female character in this movie, that is.
Thing one is that the lead villain-witch is played by Dyanne Thorne. Yes, that Dyanne Thorne... she who is perhaps best known for notoriously playing Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS and also for appearing in the classic Star Trek episode A Piece Of The Action. It’s long been my professional opinion that the buxom Ms. Thorne has easily “the best bosoms in the business” and my head starts spinning when I realise the name of the character she is playing is called “Alotta”. Well, all I can say to that is she sure has Alotta large assets on display in this movie (I’m so sorry, I couldn’t resist... but can you blame me?). I actually have a bit of a soft spot for Dyanne Thorne so I can’t complain about this in any way, shape or form.
The second thing this movie has going for it is a score by Bax... which is a pseudonym for Les Baxter (who provided scores for lots of movies like the majority of the Corman “Poe” films... to name but a few). The scoring seems mostly appropriate to the movie but, only in as much as it’s almost impossible not to be inappropriate with the scoring on a movie like this. In the words of Hypnogoria... bongos and bosoms!
There’s a cheesy opening credits song and a cheesy end credits song... I didn’t think much of the first but the second song kinda stuck in my head and I would love to get a hold of it if I could. Sadly, there’s been no score released for this movie and most likely won’t be... although it’s not impossible as their have been some totally unexpected limited edition soundtracks released in small runs over the last five years or so and Les Baxter does tend to sell out (except in the one single solitary case where I bought a second copy in an introductory attempt to play the speculation game on e-bay... oh yes... this would be the one Les Baxter album that didn’t sell out! Curse you Ray Milland!).
The only other thing the movie has going for it (What? A third thing? Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!), as I’ve already mentioned but will repeat at the risk of labouring the point, is a large collection of jiggling breasts which seem to get exposed constantly at the drop of a hat... and their must have been a lot of metaphorical hats dropped in this movie because, as I noted at the time, there are more breasts on display in this “horror” movie than I’ve seen in some porn movies (not that I’ve ever watched any of those, of course).
So, in summary...
Is this movie any good? No.
Would I watch it again and would I recommend it to anyone? Yes, of course I would. It’s a comically bad excuse for nakedness starring Dyanne Thorne and with a Les Baxter soundtrack. What’s not to like? Trash lovers will get a kick out of it I reckon. Be warned though, the special effects aren’t so special and even the script seems a bit low tech (if such a thing is possible).